Benefits of Sobriety Episode 202 Transcript
In this episode, Von reflects on his experiences and lessons learned in 2023. He discusses the importance of patience and acceptance, as well as the realization that he can manage life without using drugs. Von also shares his gratitude for his progress in recovery and sets goals for the new year, including staying clean and releasing an album. He emphasizes the positive changes that can come from sobriety and encourages listeners to consider their own relationship with drugs and alcohol. Von talks about when does sobriety get easier, the benefits of sobriety, and why sobriety is so hard. Von concludes by expressing his intention to continue podcasting and exploring solo episodes.
Takeaways:
- Patience and acceptance are important lessons to learn in recovery and in life.
- Managing life without using drugs or alcohol is possible and can lead to personal growth.
- Being grateful for progress and reflecting on accomplishments can provide motivation and inspiration.
- Setting goals, such as staying clean and pursuing creative projects, can contribute to a fulfilling and meaningful life.
Chapters
(00:00) Introduction and Update
(03:08) Lessons Learned in 2023: Patience and Acceptance
(09:21) Managing Life without Using
(14:20) Dealing with Difficult Situations
(18:23) Feeling Thankful and Reflecting on Progress
(22:23) Moving Forward and Setting Goals
(30:15) The Importance of Staying Clean
(37:31) Other Goals for the New Year
(41:25) Recognizing Negative Thought Patterns
(46:18) Conclusion and Future Plans
von (00:00.734)
Hey there, and welcome to The Voncast Show. Your host, Von. How's it going today? Happy New Year, everybody. I know I'm a little late. I wasn't able to record the past couple of weeks of January because I was sick. So with that said, I hope y'all had a great time with holidays, spending time with loved ones, and happy new year.
You know? 2024. Here we are. So it's a solo episode today. I'll admit, I was kind of nervous getting back onto podcasting, even though it's only been two weeks. I don't know, something about it. Felt like, man, I haven't done this in a while. And I, I don't know, maybe I lost my touch or something, but.
We'll see, you know, doing things a little bit different this year, putting more effort into like how I run the podcast and all that stuff. That said, solo episode.
So, I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure yourself or somebody you know was sick within the past month. I don't know what it was. I didn't get COVID, but I got a sore throat. I went to the urgent care.
And yeah, I got some penicillin, but I felt sick. It's like a cold or something. Everybody at work was getting sick. And to my surprise, a lot of people that I know, they got sick too. Different levels to varying degrees of what the sickness was, but yeah, I was trippy.
von (02:08.074)
So that's why I wasn't able to record. I kept coughing all the time. I thought of recording the week I got sick, which was the first week of January. Then I was like, you know, I'm coughing a lot. I'm coughing like every other sentence. And that would be a pain to edit. So I decided to take a break. Second week.
Feeling a little better, but I went out of town, down to OC to visit family and friends. So that was that. Still coughing a lot actually. So, yeah, here we are third week. Little late, but hey, all good, you know. So that's what I've been up to the past couple weeks. Just recovering, feeling better now.
It was so cold like the past couple weeks as well. Sometimes I ride my bike to work, I have the ski mask on, I got gloves and a really thick jacket. Thingy, flannel. So yeah, that's where I've been at. Hope y'all are doing good out there.
So this episode, I'm talking about New Year's goals. Not so much resolutions. I never got into them. I mean, I did. I told myself, maybe, you know, this year I'll do this or do that. But I just never followed through. You know, the idea was there. But just never followed through. So.
I'm here to share what...
von (04:05.386)
my new year goal is, and also to some things I learned from 2023, things I went through. A couple things I learned, just more just on patience. You know, things take time. For those of you who have been listening, I recently got clean about 14 months ago.
So a majority of 2023 was me just dealing with recovery. I still am. But it was more intense. The first few months were difficult for me. So it was just patience. Patience. Another example would be.
You know, I wanted to release music for the longest time, but I couldn't because of finances, you know. My boy, Ryan Meze, shout out to Ryan Meze. He makes my beats and produces, and I wanted to, you know, compensate him obviously. And I was like, you know, being honest with myself, I'm like, you know, right now, I don't think I can make music in that sense where I record music and pay for beats and whatnot.
You know, that was kind of like a blow to my ego bit because I like making music. I really enjoy it.
By the way, if you hear this humming noise, the people that clear the streets with the leaf blowers, that's what it is, so I apologize ahead of time. I forget that they do their job this early in the morning. Shout out to them.
von (06:04.534)
So yeah, back to what I was saying, it just took a blow to my ego. I was like, man, I wanna make music already. I wanna do this, cause this is what I do. I enjoy this, but actually I couldn't. I felt low key kind of defeated as an artist. I'm like, man, I gotta sit on the sidelines again.
You know, I kind of did because, you know, back then when I was using, but now it's like, I'm done using. I want to, I want to do what I've always wanted to do right away. Get things I want right away. Instant gratification. That's something that I've been accustomed to for years due to using. In a sense where, you know, if I don't like how I'm feeling,
If I don't like a situation, I can't control it, but I can get high to control how I'm feeling, my emotions in a sense where I will numb out my problems, I will feel better, I'll forget about it temporarily. So patience, you know, can't, I don't know. I'm learning that these kind of things, you just gotta go with the flow. You gotta...
deal with and they don't always go instantly. This problem I had in this situation, you know, I had to, you know, pay debt off and just save money and everything. That took a while. It actually took a year for me to get out of, you know, and I'm still, you know, paying stuff off, right? But a lot of it was just doing that, living, surviving. And that...
was just, it was humbling. You know, I definitely, there were plenty of times where I'd barely make it by, you know, with rent, food and expenses and bills. You know, I would be checking out this little mug I had that's a glass mug thingy, like a mason jar of coins. There were times when I would go to my local grocery store and,
von (08:27.818)
You know, put that coins in the coin star and see what I can get. Those were there for sure. There were, you know, those plenty of those situations where I didn't have enough to go out with friends or do certain things. And that's something that I had to just sit by and like, you know, it'll pass. It sucks, but it'll pass. Patience.
Um, yeah, I learned that, you know, I mean, obviously I haven't learned patience completely, no one ever does, but it was just another lesson learned into it. You know, I'm still learning about patience and everything. And, and yeah, it's just things take time.
von (09:21.582)
Things take time and it's not always pleasant. You know, he's got to stick it out. You know, with this recovery thing, especially. There has been plenty of days in 2023 where, you know, I mean life, life can suck sometimes. I'm not going to sugar coat it. It sucks. Sometimes things happen that are out of your control. And I want to fix it instantly.
the only way I've known how to for years.
von (09:57.914)
And now that I don't have that option on the table, I've got to be patient. I have to sit with my emotions. I have to accept how I'm feeling and let it be, which goes into the next one is just something I learned that ties into patience is I am able to.
von (10:23.502)
deal with life without using. Now, for those who don't identify as addicts, it's kind of a no-brainer. It's pretty obvious that yeah, of course you can. Of course you can
get through life and manage without substances. But not for me. That was a big realization. I still get anxiety this day. I still tense up when...
Uncomfortable situations happen or you know just life stuff happens And it's like young patients that I'm learning how to cope and I learned that I can do it is possible It's a lot more Painful in the sense where I have to deal with all these emotions, but at the end of it It's like wow Okay, I went to this hurdle without a crutch
Narcotic crush. I mean, who am I kidding? I love eating pizza. I love to stress eat Maybe that's something I can work on this year, but I'm not getting high, you know So You know, I'm learning hey, I can manage, you know, I have to just have a chill day Very minimal like let it be that's what I need
You know Obviously the feelings of anger anxiety sadness and frustration isn't
von (12:09.558)
go away right away but I'm going to address it. I think for the longest time I thought, I don't know, I didn't like, I don't like being angry. I don't like feeling sad, I don't like feeling frustrated or depressed. Who does, right? I'm just learning to acknowledge it today. This is how I'm feeling.
I think I've mentioned in a previous podcast that I just don't think I like feeling angry because of childhood. You know, just growing up, you know, dealing with anger from loved ones and whatnot. I was like, I don't want to be like that. You know, lose control and stuff. And I don't like being angry personally. I've definitely lost my temper in the past, you know, and just made irrational decisions or said things that I regret.
So it's like, well, maybe if I don't feel angry, I won't feel these things. But I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling angry. It's just how you manage it. And that's something that everybody's still working on, managing emotions. So those are some things I learned and also acceptance. Surrendering to...
The moment, just situations where you have no control over. You know, I definitely try to find all the solutions you can, healthy solutions to problems, but sometimes, you just gotta accept it for what it is and move forward. I definitely mentioned that in the last podcast with Vanessa.
about surrender and how sometimes the only thing you can do and actually surrendering to a situation can definitely help you move forward and not be trapped or stuck in a situation. So that's what I learned.
von (14:20.47)
some lessons, you know, dealt with bank fraud or credit card fraud twice. That was very uncomfortable because money was taken, was, you know, somebody used my card and, you know, a lot of money was used, but fortunately it was given back.
The first time it was given back in a few days. Second time took about a month. That was really difficult financially. You know, I don't make a whole bunch. I don't make a ton of money, but pretty much half my paycheck was gone. It was used to buy airplane ticket. An airplane ticket. And that was very stressful.
von (15:16.602)
And I went back and forth at the bank for like weeks. Finally got settled, but in that meantime it was just really very uncomfortable. You know, I don't know if that had happened to you, but you know, imagine checking your phone.
You got notice in your bank that your direct deposit came in from your work? Cool. Let me buy lunch. You know, I'm gonna treat myself. I just got paid. I'm gonna get a nice lunch. Check my phone minutes later that half my paycheck is gone. I'm like, yo, what the fuck? What the fuck, man? That? I can't even explain. I was...
I was like, I was so upset at the bank. You know, like I did my best to hide how upset I was, but when you have half your money taken, it's just, you know, it's difficult. I apologize to the customer service rep on a, you know, that I was yelling, but I was just very stern and just very upset. You know, that happened. It's understandable.
But I just went back and forth with the bank. They kept thinking that I made this purchase and it was just this big thing. And I'm glad I didn't use. You know, the thought was there. But I just knew that it wouldn't help.
You know, if I did use, it would be a lot harder to think rationally. You know, I might even say, fuck it, I don't want to talk to the bank anymore, I just lost my money, I'm gonna get high again. You know, but I learned that with a clear mind, it takes some time, but...
von (17:21.006)
I have a better chance of dealing with situations like that. I can't imagine talking on the phone like geeked out of my mind. You know, I probably wouldn't be as coherent and make sense. And it might come off like I actually like spent the money myself and I might sound like you know I'm lying or something because I sound anxious or something.
von (17:50.734)
So that was some lessons I learned in 2023, the difficult ones. You know, 2024, I have this sigh of relief that I'm able to save money now. I'm not as impulsive. You know, I mean, shit, I'm getting a fucking tattoo on Monday, but I have enough money saved up.
you know, and treat myself and not like, you know, spend most of my money on a tattoo and wait for the next paycheck kind of thing. It just feels good, you know, I'm rebuilding my credit score and this wave of anxiety, I'm sorry, we have a relief. I wake up and it's like, man, I have a lot of things I'm anxious about, but this time around it's not about money.
I'm not saying I'm rich or anything, but I'm seeing that with patience, with less impulsivity, I'm able to save up. Finances always trust me out. It's ironic, right? Finances always trust me out, but I kept using, which didn't help my finances. Isn't it weird how that works?
So now that I'm not spending all my money on dope, paying off my bills on time, auto pay, and I'm saving up. It feels good. It feels really good. So I'm just a lot less stressed out with that since. Um, yeah, I'm just really thankful.
You know, I like to do what I like to do. I like to go on my social media and check my memories. You know, like what I was doing last year and some of the posts and whatnot that I made. I'm like, yo, I remember posting this. I remember exactly how I was feeling when I posted this.
von (20:04.19)
I remember what I was going through, what life situation I was going through when I posted this. And then I compare where I am now. I'm like, man, I got it good. I got it good compared to last year. I worked on it, worked for it. You know, day at a time. Stay clean.
I attended meetings. I talked to my sponsor regularly. I worked the 12 steps. I do the best that I can. Some days are good. Some days are shitty. But, regardless, I was able to stay clean.
And here is proof of it, the results of and the rewards of staying clean. I can look at myself now and like, you know, feel good. When I was using, you know, I didn't like looking at myself much. Because
I just knew there was this shame, you know, like, I can do it like, you know, when I'm high, it's cool, I'm feeling good, but, you know, when I'm coming down, I don't like looking at myself. I don't even like being on camera like I am right now. Because I saw myself, I saw this shame, I'm like, man, fucking up.
This come down is horrible. I don't like who I am. Now I'm accepting who I am, you know? So, yeah, I'm just feeling really, really thankful, really blessed that I'm here.
von (22:23.158)
Another day, clean another day. Um. I still think about drugs. I love making drug jokes. I like, you know, putting in my rhymes. That's who I was using drugs. I was a, I'm an addict. Of course I want to talk about it, you know, but I like to talk about it now and look back and laugh.
make light of it in a sense. You know, I mean, obviously, accept how serious it is, but, you know, crack jokes about how geeked out I was or all those crazy times. I think it's helping me move on.
von (23:13.558)
Yeah, it's just... So yeah, I still think about drugs getting high, but the difference is I don't spiral on it in a sense where I'm like, oh, I know that I wanted, you know, I want to get high right now. It's never gotten to that, you know. I remember I went to the grocery store, bought some food.
I got cash back to get a haircut for my barber. Got the cash back, I'm like, man, you know, I can really, if I really wanted to, I can probably, I can go find a Kinect and get high right now. I was like, this is what I would have done during the active addiction. Here I am.
spending it on something else or productive. You know, it's a really cool feeling. So, my New Year goal, do you have a New Year goal? I have a couple, but the main one is, you guessed it.
Stay clean, stay sober from drugs and alcohol.
That's like being the only thing I can really do consistently that I feel like is realistic to me. That eating healthy and going to the gym on a regular basis, maybe that'll happen later, but I think right now my focus is staying clean from drugs and alcohol. I've seen personally, my experience, a lot of great benefits from doing that.
von (25:15.863)
Seems like the longer I do that, the more good things happen, or the more I recognize them. Bad things still happen when I'm clean. As you've heard a few minutes ago, me talking about getting hit with credit card fraud twice in a year.
It's funny. That's never happened to me until I got sober. Isn't that weird? So differences, I guess I'm able to handle unfortunate situations and uncomfortable feelings a lot better. That's a difference. Make a break for me.
von (26:14.595)
So yeah, staying sober from drugs and alcohol. Why for me getting sober? Maybe for you. Why getting sober is a great goal? Well, you don't have to tell me this. You can just ask this to yourself. But do you think?
You know, for those who may feel like you're having a problem with drugs or alcohol, do you feel like most of your time is getting drunk or getting high and it's becoming, it's having a negative impact in your life?
von (27:09.822)
Maybe you call it not a work from it. Or you're having to lie to your loved ones about it. Or you find yourself isolating. Staying in your room or house or whatever for the weekend. Because you're so high and paranoid that
You don't want to go out and hang out with people. I'm a speaking room experience. You feel like when you're done with drinking or drugs, like your hangover or come down, that you're like, oh, man, that was shitty. I got to get it together. But let me get out one more time or something of that nature.
Hey, you might. I never tell anybody I have a problem, but you might have one. You know, if you notice most of your money is going to your drug or alcohol habit, spending a lot of your money on beer and, you know, hard liquor or all that dope.
and you find yourself, you're barely able to make ends meet, potential red flags. You know, there's some people that can party and be responsible. I wasn't one of those people. I wanted to tell myself I was, but I wasn't. Those...
Might be some red flags, you know, and other things such as health concerns, right? Might have a problem. Maybe. I don't know. Only you know. And, you know, why might be a great goal to get sober? Sounds scary.
von (29:28.522)
It's still like trippy when I say I'm clean or sober. By the way, I like saying clean. I've been saying sober for SEO purposes. More on that later. Pretty much.
If I put Sober on my podcast title or say that on TikTok or Instagram Reels, it'll get more traction, it'll get more visibility than staying clean. Because staying clean can mean like cleaning my room or something, or staying organized, which my room is not fucking organized, it's fucking messy, I gotta do something about it, and I probably won't today. But, you know, back to being sober slash clean.
von (30:12.075)
Why might be a great goal?
change your life. You might get the life back, you know you can get the life back that you had previously or create a new life that's better. You might know from my earlier rant, it'll take time. To be honest, the first, I don't know, 3-4 months, early parts of it, maybe the first week, it's gonna fucking suck bro.
It is going to suck. It's gonna be horrible because depending on your usage and what you use, you'll go through withdrawals. Physical, maybe. Mental, for sure. It's gonna suck. And I think in the past when I've tried to get sober, get clean, I didn't last longer than two weeks. A week if I was, you know...
super lucky or had enough willpower or whatever because that withdrawal, those withdrawals and all that stuff you were running away from, it'll start to surface and
like maybe like me from my experience, it got so uncomfortable, because it's like, damn, I owe money to my credit card company, or I really hate my job, or I am having not the best relationship with my friend or whatever right now, or something like that, or I've been putting off doing this for a very long time.
von (32:08.678)
I'm speaking from personal experience. That stuff starts to surface. The things that I tried to hide from myself while I was using start to resurface. And it gets uncomfortable. And the choice I made up until 14 months ago was, well...
I don't want to deal with it right now. Or maybe I'll have better ideas on how to deal with this when I'm high. So I start the vicious cycle all over again. Give it a few days for my brain to readjust or until I get enough food in my body until I get a somewhat decent amount of sleep. Like three nights worth of sleep.
Then, let's do it again. Because it's fucking fun too. Come on, I mean, I'm not gonna lie, shit's fun. Feels good. Feel like my problems are going away for a bit. I have this boost of self-confidence. I feel good again. I can feel good about myself again.
for a couple days until it run out. And then it starts all over again. So that's why it can suck for a bit. You know, it's easy to just say I'm done drinking, done doing drugs. You can put it down. You can flush that shit down the toilet. Drinking part is staying.
clean or staying sober. So that's the shitty part. Being sober or being clean is great. It's just getting over that period and staying clean.
von (34:25.918)
on it. So, what was I saying again? Yeah, white's a great goal. It can change your life, like I was saying. You, maybe not right away, but you'll start seeing changes in yourself. You'll start seeing changes in relationships, work, personal life, school, whatever.
Maybe you'll start doing things that you used to like, that you just lost interest in because your only interest was to consume drugs and alcohol. Maybe you'll find new hobbies, you know? Maybe you'll find some inner peace.
that inner peace that you would have briefly under the influence. Maybe you'll find that. Hey, maybe it'll become healthier. You know, it's this one thing staying sober, staying clean, if you have a problem, that once you do that
A lot of things might start going your way. More than likely, not right away. You got to deal with a lot of stuff that's resurfacing, stuff you were suppressing.
von (36:10.299)
It was very uncomfortable for me. But it helps you grow as a person. You learn you can manage life without those substances. And
von (36:37.058)
There's more than one way. I think different things work for different people. Some people might be able to do it with therapy, counseling. Some people might need a 12-step program like me, or some form of abstinence program.
von (37:05.146)
Or religion, if that works. Or just... I don't know. You know, but it's definitely possible. There's different ways of going about it. So... That's a big goal of mine. Only goal. It's like, if I do nothing else... It's a main goal. Second goal?
is to release an album. I've been wanting to do that for the longest time. I've never released one. I've released singles and EP's but again that will take time. If I put enough money towards my craft while saving, while being patient, while taking my time, it's possible.
von (38:01.998)
Another one, stay consistent with podcasting. Sometimes I get sick. Fortunately, knock on wood doesn't happen a lot, but I still wanna do this podcasting thing. I'm 202 episodes in. You know, it's really trippy. I was going through my phone last night.
I found this recording from June or July 2017. I think I was on my phone, a voice note. I think I was just doing a test run, you know, of me talking to myself or to a device, going like, hey, this is the Voncast. I don't even think it's called the Voncast show. It's Voncast, Von, you know, wanted this podcast.
And it was really cool, you know, to see how far I've come. And just hearing that, you know, I was like, wow, 202 episodes in, I'm still in it. So definitely I want to record or release a new episode once a week at the best of my ability.
And also, you know, work on SEO stuff and promoting it more. I'm, I know now that I can do it consistently, but I can definitely fine tune, you know, the descriptions and promoting it with the clips. I've been doing better clips now, I think. Shout out to Jule for helping me out with that, good suggestions and seeing other people create podcast content with the video stuff and editing.
adding captions, that kind of stuff. Also, another one is stop being aware of when I start spiraling and stopping as soon as I can.
von (40:07.31)
Sometimes it doesn't happen right away. So for me, I notice, like, I have this pretend argument in my head about a certain scenario that doesn't exist, but it's like, what if this person did say this to me? How will I react? What will I say? Or like, what's a clever comeback online? And then I find myself.
Having this... Fault. This made up scenario in my head. As if it's real. I'm going through the emotions as if this person said this. And then I get upset. And it's like I'm living it as if it's real when it's not. I don't know if you go through that, but I go through it a lot. It consumes a lot of my day. A lot of my time.
It makes me feel emotionally drained and I don't like it. I started catching myself. I want to do that a little more often. And it's a lot. I do it a lot. So... I can work on that.
von (41:25.554)
I don't know. I do it more often than I'd like to admit. So yeah, this is my New Year's goals. I feel like obviously the first one is to stay clean. Everything else will...
all in the place. Oh, also, get off social media, but not in that way. Obviously, I like social media. It can help me stay connected with people, I, you know, my friends and relatives. But there's this thing where...
von (42:17.386)
I don't argue as much. I don't really argue as much at all, but I check comment sections of posts that I know will upset me, but I do it anyways. Something about that. There's something there. I don't know what it is. Maybe I'll have a future podcast episode about it, but there's something there where maybe I like getting upset. Maybe I like getting riled up. Maybe it makes me feel alive. I don't know.
but it feeds into that spiraling that I mentioned about a minute ago. So I think that ends this podcast. Honestly, I was dreading making this episode because it's been two weeks and I feel like I was out of sync. I was thinking of putting this off.
8 15 a.m. right now so I started about 43 minutes ago I was thinking of putting it off till later on I just I don't know I'm trying not to do that as much also I'm trying to get Filipino food right now and I knew that well I know once I get Filipino food I will feel pretty lethargic
throughout the day and that's okay because I have today and tomorrow off. And I can do that. I can do that. And I told myself, well, maybe I will get Filipino food first and then record a podcast, but knowing myself, I'd probably get the Filipino food.
Take a nap. Not feel up to recording a podcast. And put it off, put it off to the last minute. You know, I wanna record, I'm releasing this today on Friday. I can see myself.
von (44:31.886)
putting it off right before I do my meeting, like a couple hours before. I attend an A meeting every Friday when I can. And I can see myself being frustrated and upset. I'm like, oh fuck, man, I gotta do this podcast. Now it's like I have to do it. So I wanted to get ahead of that and record as early as possible. Because now it's like, okay.
I can relax, I can take my time, I'm not rushing, and I can reward myself with some, thank Filipino food. If you haven't had Filipino food, I highly recommend give it a shot. Depending where you live, it might be more or less accessible.
but if you google like a filipino grocery store like a seafood city I'm pretty sure you'll enjoy it most of it is animal based so you got a lot of animal meat a lot of meat so not as much vegetables so just a heads up if you've never had filipino food so
That concludes this episode. Episode 202. Thank you for listening. Also, I want to do more solo podcasts this year. Um, I don't know. Getting guests is great. I like that. I also want to start...
von (46:18.803)
not relying on guests as much you know start just doing stuff like this hopefully turns out well
So yeah, there you have it. I hope you'll have a good rest of your Friday, your weekend, whenever you're listening. Wish you the best, stay safe, have a good one.
